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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27449422">Poems from 2019</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrossTheCrossedPerson/pseuds/CrossTheCrossedPerson'>CrossTheCrossedPerson</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Bad Poetry, Childhood Trauma, Dark, Dark Fantasy, F/F, F/M, I'm Bad at Feelings, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, Old Poetry, Poetry, Trauma, hopelessness, kinda good, wrote in 2019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:09:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27449422</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrossTheCrossedPerson/pseuds/CrossTheCrossedPerson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a few poems I wanted to firmly place somewhere.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Desires</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>
  <span>The world isn’t nice to wandering souls, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The world isn’t kind to those who have noticeable flaws in society, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So daunting as the sized me up and tore me limb from limb, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All my insecurities being passed around to a grinning man of evil,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Striking all my towers down, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The flowers gasp from under the smoldering rumble,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>War sprung around me from all sides,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Who was I to turn to? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Guardians clashing with tears flashing in the low light, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cutting words flying between the two protectors,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Achingly unaware of the pained shadows watching in a hollow silence,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One silently begging for it all to stop, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To just have a family again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The other was stoic,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just waiting for this quarrel to end with absent care, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As this shadow didn’t know the comfort of flowery words of poets,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only the ones of the grinning man of evil,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Who grinned from his cunningly spun web.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A final yell left one of the guardians,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cutting words born of hate and anger causing the other to flinch back, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Light brown stared helplessly into cold resentful blue,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The hopeless one turned away,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unwilling to hear more words the other spat, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other felt no regret as they watched them retreat,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the resentful one always knew the other would be back,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No matter what she did to him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both shadows were restless,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One felt a lowly urge to escape from this prison,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other wondered when dinner would be.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both got what they desired, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As one ran for the sake of a future he wanted,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other had a satisfying dinner.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Cope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Coping with you</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cope</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Welcome to my land of make-believe! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hope y’all enjoy your time here, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As nothing will be the same again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Origami swans float in the air, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Flapping paper wings the real world would break,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Here they flutter with the freedom of any bird,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stretching wings with such grace as they fly in the blue sky, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hope you love them! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I made them just for you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t want to turn around.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t wanna turn around and face them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>I know you don’t either so let's stay here!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Forever.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The swans dance, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their folds can be mitch matched, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One wing too long,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other to sort,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I should have been carefuller,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As my mistakes have crippled them,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They try to fly,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spreading wings that were made to roughly</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Folded with not enough care and too many mistakes, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They spiral downwards, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Frantically fluttering wings that won’t help them now,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My horror and my wishes to save them weren’t enough,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It never was enough, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shadows laugh,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spiders spin webs I didn’t want in the back of my mind, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I won’t turn to face them,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My failures and my mistakes whisper to me,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tearing me down and tearing me limb from limb,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As I hold in my suffering,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If only I was different,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stronger,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Smarter,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Confident,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Things would be different.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then there’s you,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With that smirk that lights fires,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eyes that glow with intelligent power, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A type of planning that causing you to out plan spiders,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The shadows gather at your feet in submission, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The very way you move draws attention, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every word you speak is listened to, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only you didn’t listen to them,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You befriend me, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The way you treat me makes me feel good,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I love the way you look at me,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With those eyes that can stare into souls,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Read the mind of liars,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Read my expressions,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Calm my mind,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only you have ever cared enough to end my breakdowns, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only you would hug me until the tears receded,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tell me pretty words that fix everything,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Comfort me to the point I can understand it all,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I wouldn’t be able to cope if it wasn’t for you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>Without you, </span><span><br/></span> <span>I know I would have torn myself apart,</span></p>
<p>
  <span>I still find it hard not to go back to places I once knew in my mind,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I have to let go of those places,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those people,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those feelings that once felt like home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cradling me and drifting me off to the land of nightmares,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Never again will they have claim over me,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All I have to do is see those eyes,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hear your voice,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sense your presence, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I know I’m safe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m safe with you, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My favorite color is ocean blue. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Someone Special</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Someone Special</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No one is a symbol of perfection, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There is no recipe for any sort of perfectionism,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Personalities are so much more than a checklist of personality traits,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No one is just a list of basic qualities.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>People are raw and flawed beings,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Paint flung on a canvas to make art, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A river formed from the mighty patience of erosion,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A proper artist with a knife can make a wood carving, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That artist will see flaws no one else would see,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A little too much chipping here,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not flat enough there,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Too rough here.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s the same with humans,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hair too curly,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arms are too skinny,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eyes are too dull of color,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just too mentally immature,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But all of us are just a rainbow on a rainy day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You are flawed in every sense of the word,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That only makes you twice as special to me.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I don't Understand You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I don't understand you,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don’t understand you.</p>
<p>I don’t understand where you draw your conclusions,</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you hate him,</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you tried to fight him,</p>
<p>Why do you always play the victim? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I wish you’d simply tell me what’s really wrong,</p>
<p>I wish you’d look me in my eyes and tell me the truth, </p>
<p>Not just glare at me with that disappointed look, </p>
<p>You’ve always treated me like a nuisance,</p>
<p>Scorning my every action, </p>
<p>Never any ease,</p>
<p>No sympathy,</p>
<p>No empathy,</p>
<p>No care for me,</p>
<p>At least to my face anyway,</p>
<p>Why do you hate me? </p>
<p>I wish I understood.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Just a Thought</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Just A Thought</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Pen held between my fingers,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Paper held awaiting beneath my hand, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My mind whirling with endless ideas,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An endless cavern of creativity to get lost in, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Endlessly assaulted by words that could be my next,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of putting a phrase that would change everything, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Forcing my mind to my darkest places to spark my writings,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pushing my mind to the loveliest of places,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How I wish I was fluent in the language of flowery words,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As someone who would like to be called a poet,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I should be quite informed in those flowery verses.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes I pretend and humor thoughts,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Humor dangerous thoughts,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ones that will linger with the zest of a songbird,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chirping about something you desire so much,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes these thoughts bleed into reality,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They trick me at times,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thinking that my secret thoughts are true.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Often I just forget I’ve just made something up,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As it all fades away like a dream,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I am struck with what reality is,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I feel hollow,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brittle and ready to shatter, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just wanting so badly for my fantasy to meet reality,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a pause for word choice,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> I wonder why,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why I make myself want to cry myself to sleep at night,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My happy thoughts tainted with the awry,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They just won’t go away,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only amplify.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It must go away,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s just a phase it’ll go away,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just like all the others, it will go away, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or maybe this is worse,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I just don’t know,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I pray it away but it only continues to grow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Pen held between my fingers, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I am hesitant of what my next words should be,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As this feels incomplete,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But many things feel incomplete.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. People I Once Knew</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>People I Once Knew</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I once knew these people,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They both weren’t all nice,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neither were the best, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But they were both dear to my heart,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Until they were pulled away from me,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the violent iron curtain pulled one day,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then suddenly they were no more,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Our family unit was no more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of them was a man, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tried to teach me all I needed,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His words were too clouded for me to understand,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words I understood they never resonated with me,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I never tried to understand them,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Understand him,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now that he’s gone it’s far too late,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As who do I have to ask?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The meaning behind phrases said in passing, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Metaphors not in the grasping of my understanding,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cryptic memories I wish I could know the meaning of,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How I wish I took you more seriously, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dad, you were never an embarrassment to me, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  I am proud to have had you as a father, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hope you can rest easy knowing that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The other was a woman,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tried in her own ways to help and guide me,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With brisk and bold words,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Advice that seemed too extreme,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Care that seemed to slap me in the face instead of helping me, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Words that harmed instead of helped,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misplaced actions of yours that affected me terribly,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I wish I knew why you hardly looked at me,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why your eyes would skim over me in passing,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How you didn’t help me with hobbies I wanted to start,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why you always seemed to look down at me with something not quite being scorn, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I guess I might have an answer someday, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Until then I may hope to contemplate,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe I’ll find an understanding on my own,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mom everyone has flaws, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some bigger than others,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But regardless there is good in you,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And for that good</span>
  <span> I hope you meet,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I bid you to rest in peace.,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I love you both,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I wish you were with us now,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wishing won’t get me anywhere,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Now is the time for action. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
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